“SECRET SEXUAL SELF” AND EROTISM

The “Secret Sexual Self” and erotic and secret stimuli. The processes involved in the subject’s behaviour can be of two types: pre-programmed and learned. The pre-programmed ones include genital and erogenous zones, chemical secretions (pheromones) that provoke erotic stimuli. We know that these provoke physiological changes such as vasocongestion of the genitals and increased respiratory and cardiac rhythm that awaken in the individual the desire to commit sexual acts that may or may not be finally performed.

On the other hand, we can learn these stimuli through different mechanisms. For example through classical conditioning (gestures associated with sexual arousal). Also by operant learning (pleasure obtained as a consequence of the acts) and learning by observation (sexual stimuli). We must bear in mind that each culture attributes specific erotic meaning to different sexual stimuli. What may have a high degree of erotic meaning for one may mean nothing to others.

The identification of the reasons or causes that generate fear and feelings of discomfort, together with the deconstruction of beliefs and values are the first step towards mental and sexual well-being. We can refer to self-awareness or awareness of one’s own thinking as “metacognition”, and awareness of one’s own emotions as “metahumour”. From a holistic point of view, mindfulness practices allow us to pay attention introspectively and reflectively to the experience we are living in the present moment and to the emotions that this experience generates in us, so that the practice of mindfulness will be part of the therapeutic process.

SEX THERAPY – SECRET SEXUAL SELF

Sex Therapy aims at the development of the Secret Sexual Self and the holistic well-being of the person.
First of all, it is necessary to overcome the obstacles caused in sexuality, coming from limiting values and beliefs, so, during the sessions, some of the following points can be worked on, as far as it is necessary:

• The analysis of current irrational beliefs, considering them as hypotheses to be tested.
• Understanding that these irrational beliefs make good sexual development impossible.
•  Awareness that there is no evidence to support these limiting beliefs and values and that there is evidence that holding them is detrimental to the person’s development and well-being.
• Self-awareness of one’s own needs, fantasies, desires and wishes.
• Embracement of new beliefs and values through introspection, work and time.
• Acceptance of both Identity and Sexual Orientation.
• Decrease and control of anxiety, through therapeutic techniques and mindfulness.
• Acceptance of body image
• Self-erotisation through “Sensory Focusing” and sexual “Fantasies”.